Anyway, one of my resolutions is to exercise more.  This is important for a number of reason.  Obviously, I want a long and healthy life and exercise plays a huge part in that.  Secondly, exercise is wonderful stress relief, and I could use a whole lot more of that.  Third, it increases my self-esteem and self-image and I could certainly use more of that too.  Lastly, I need to lose some weight! Not a ton, maybe 10 pounds or so, but this extra jiggle has got to go!

The problem is I need to lose it soon.  Why?  Because I am going on a cruise in two months.  That’s right, a glorious Caribbean cruise.  7 days of fun and relaxation with my man.  And know what’s even better?  It’s FREE!!!  I won it from my work last summer.  How freaking awesome is that?  But if I’m really going to have a good time, I can’t be worrying about how my saddlebags look as I stroll along the beach.

The even bigger problem is that I seem to think that this 2 month time span is not actually two months but is an infinite time frame.  So what if I never made it on the treadmill today,  I have two months still!  But pretty soon that two months will be two weeks and I will really start to panic.  I tend to do this too often.  I set a goal for myself and then give myself too much leeway if I don’t start to execute on it.  This time though, the time frame is set.  I guess it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I don’t reach my goal, but this is something I really want to do.

Last night, finally, I spent some time on the treadmill I got for Christmas.  (See?  I have my own treadmill, now I really don’t have any excuses!).  And you know what?  It felt great!  I’m not in fantastic shape, but it felt so good to just be active.  A lot of times I put off exercise because I’m too exhausted.  Last night was another one of those nights.  I was completely drained, achy, grumpy, and a little queasy.  I thought there was no way I could find the strength to do anything but loaf on the couch.  But you know, it’s true that exercise actually gives you more energy.  Afterwards I felt great, no aches, no queasiness.  I could feel the blood running through my veins and it felt good to be alive.

So why, after such an enlightening experience, is it so hard to get myself to do it again today???

It is especially apparent while I am at work that a very vital piece of me is missing.  Today actually has been better than the last few.  I’ve gotten a few things crossed off my list that were important.  But I still tend to want to hide in my cubicle in hopes that I will blend in with the drab blue-gray walls and no one will know I’m here.  It’s not a good way to do business.  I do want to do better, really I do, but…blahhhh….

As I drive to work I seriously try to give myself a pep talk.  It goes something like this:  Ok, you know you have to go to work and there is no way around it, so you might as well make the best of it.  It’s a good job!  Really, it’s not so bad!  Sure it seems as though you do the same thing day after day, after day, after day…but they treat you well and plus, you get paid!  And woman, your family needs to eat!  So perk up!  Sit up straight!  Slap a smile on your face!  Put some spring in your step!  All you have to do is buckle down, work hard for a few hours, and then you can go home to your lovely family.  You can do it!  You can do it…you can do it…you can do it…

Seriously, I’m not even joking you, I give myself that pep talk regularly.  But is it doing any good?  No.  Although, maybe if I didn’t do it my performance would be even worse.  A frightening thought.  Probably best to keep doing it.  Maybe it would be more effective out loud?  Nah, too weird.

This lack of motivation is also applying to my exercise/healthy eating regime.  Let me be more specific, my non-existent exercise/healthy eating regime.  I can’t seem to get my jiggly butt on that treadmill, even though the thought of a firm backside is somewhat motivating.  Just not motivating enough.  Therein lies the problem.

Oh…motivation, come back!  I can’t go on this way!  I promise I’ll take better care of you!  I’ll listen to you more, I swear!  Just come back…please?