Confession

Internet, I have a confession to make:  I am socially inept.

Ok, that’s too strong of a statement.  I am not socially inept.  I get along just fine with people and can hold my own when necessary.  I guess the better term is that I am shy.  But sometimes that makes me feel socially inept.

The odd thing is I have no fear of public speaking or anything like that.  I’ll get up and give presentations and actually enjoy it.  But when it comes to socializing with strangers that is where I get all anxious and feel like I’m all thumbs and two left feet and like my tongue is swelling up in my mouth or something.  Why, I do not know.  It drives me crazy.  And the older I get the worse it gets.

In all honesty there are days when I feel like I would be perfectly happy forever with just a small circle of friends and family, never to have to network or build relationships elsewhere.  I know that is completely unreasonable and really not true either.  Deep down I need other people just like anyone else, and in this world it’s not what you know it’s who you know, right?  So I try to force myself to get out there and be a real person once in a while.

(I just read over what I wrote and it sounds so pathetic. Good grief.)

About a week ago I stumbled across a blog I love written by a local woman.  She was hosting a free blogger brunch on Saturday the 20th to help launch a service project.  At first I blew it off, because of course I NEVER do anything like that.  Make small talk, with strangers?  BY MYSELF? Yeah right!  But the more I thought about, the more I knew it would be a good thing.  There would be other women there with the same interests as me.  I could get involved in some sort of service project and therefore be a better person because of it.  Besides, it was like, 10 minutes away from my house and I had a babysitter, so I had absolutely no excuse.

The event was being hosted at the Blue Lemon restaurant in Highland, Utah which was really awesome of them because they did it for free.  It was actually really beautiful, so hit them up if you’re hosting an event!   The whole time I was driving out there I resisted the urge to turn around and return to my safe haven of shyness.  BUT, I went in, slapped on a timid smile, and did my best to get out there.

We did a “speed-dating” type thing where we rotated around getting to know the different women, what they blog about, etc.  It was awesome!  I’ve never met so many nice ladies in one place like that before.  We then compiled ideas for a fabulous service project that I will post about in the future in case anyone else wants to get involved (you should!).

And Internet, I have another confession to make: I walked away from that blogger brunch feeling great.  Yes, it was outside my comfort zone and I felt a moment of terror when I first walked in, but I was so proud of myself for actually participating.  Plus, I finally did something for myself for once.  I got to meet new people and talk about something I’m interested in, and not go to work or do homework or wash dishes or wipe noses or all those other things that dominate my time these days.  It was an amazing feeling to do something I had chosen to do, and not something I felt obligated to do. Hopefully I can get a taste of that feeling more often in the future!

Tags: bloggers, fears, shy

Fish-sitting

This is Batman.  He lives in a flower vase.

He belongs to one of the little neighbor boys.  We are taking care of this bad boy while the family is out of town.

Batman the Fish.  How cute is that?

Tags: Batman, fish, too cute

Sucker punched

Sometimes motherhood is just a big punch in the gut.

You carry the baby inside you for 9 months.  You’re exhausted, sick, misshapen, and swollen.  You lovingly note every kick and turn and anticipate the day the discomfort will all pay off.

You endure pain and stitches and sleepless night after sleepless night.  You change diapers and cuddle and coo and rock and sway and bounce and then you do it all again.

You love.

And you worry.  Oh, how you worry!  And you know the worry will never end.

And you love some more.

And then…

Cold, hard REJECTION.  Your toddler that you nurtured and sacrificed for and loved and worried about wants nothing to do with you.  She buries her face into her daddy’s shoulder when you try to say hi to her in the morning.  She bypasses you as she reaches her arms out to be held by her daddy.  She bawls when he leaves in the morning and pushes you away.

KID, I AM YOUR MOTHER.

Did I do something wrong?  Do I not sing enough songs or make enough silly faces?  Are my hugs inferior?

The guilt sets in.  Maybe I’m too impatient.  Maybe I’m not around enough.  I work too much…maybe…maybe…maybe…

Or maybe it’s just a classic case of a Daddy’s Girl.  And I am grateful that my girl has a daddy who loves her.

All I can say is my future boys better be Mama’s Boys.

Tags: daddy's girl; toddler; rejection; love

Freak of nature

I just have to take a minute to post this, because this has got to be one of the most amazing things I have ever seen:

I know you’re probably thinking, a balloon?  What’s so freaking incredible about that?  This girl really needs to get out more.

But this isn’t just any balloon, this balloon has been floating for FOUR WEEKS now.  FOUR WEEKS!!  I thought for sure after we brought it home that it would be doing a sad little bob along the floor the next morning, but this thing has defied all expectations.  It’s both amazing and freakish all at the same time.

Tags: amazing, balloons

I hit the wall

I was pretty darn proud of myself for posting for 5 whole days straight.  And like, real posts, you know? 

I think my streak is over.  I’m tapped out.  My brain is slowly shutting down in preparation for the weekend. 

I’m so happy its the weekend.  Holy crap, I’m glad this week is over.  In all reality I’ve had much, much worse weeks.  But I’m still ready to be done.

Sorry for the lame-o post.  Let’s hope this weekend brings something interesting to write about!

Tags: lame-o