National Blog Posting Month

Well, technically from what I understand it’s National Novel Writing Month, or something like that, where you attempt to write an entire novel in 30 days.  Who does that?  I’d have to quit my job and everything to even attempt that.

So, instead, I’ve decided to attempt NaBloPoMo and post every day for the next 30 days.  This should be interesting.  What the dickens am I going to write about every single day for an entire month?

We shall see!

All work and no play makes mama a dull girl

I should be doing homework, but I’m not.  I should be cleaning my house or something, but I’m not.  I should most defintiely be working out, but again, I’m not.

I’m p r o c r a s t i n a t i n g.  How fun!  And if you’re reading this, I think you might be too.

Have you ever known one of those people that seems to be sprinting ALL THE TIME?  I mean seriously, the kind of person that says something like, “I haven’t sat down to watch a TV show in years!”  when you ask them what they think of the latest cast of So You Think You Can Dance (best show EVER, by the way, in case you were wondering).  And then you feel dumb because you do have enough time to sit down and watch TV.  But then you realize it’s not really a matter of time, but maybe a matter of stamina?  And, I suppose, priorities?  Pfft. Priorities!  Ha!

Yeah, there are lots of people like that in my life.  It all started with my piano teacher when I was growing up.  She vacuumed her house every day.  Every day!  And baked bread and froze it just in case someone in the neighborhood could use it.  And she exercised every day.  And took care of her daughter’s kids (not to mention her daughter).  And her hair was always big and poofy and perfect.  And she always wore make-up, including lipstick!  And had matching accessories (including a variety of watches that fascinated me).  And she taught piano lessons all the time.  And then she’d take these extravagant trips to Venezuala to go scuba diving with her husband.  When asked once how she did it all she said she only needed about 4-5 hours of sleep a night.  Oh, and did I mention she had arthritis?  But still got everything done all the frickin’ time?

This woman became the standard of amazingness for my mother and I.  Since then if we’d find someone else that was constantly going, going, going, we’d say “Oh, she’s a Barbara Paulsen, that one!”

My best friend is one of those.  I fully realized this when this last Christmas she drove 25 minutes to my house to deliver a plate of goodies on a beautiful Christmas platter.  Included on it was homemade zucchini bread, made from the zucchini she grew in her garden.  Which somehow she did between taking a full load of nursing classes.  And working.  And keeping up a beautifully decorated house.  And cooking healthy meals for her husband.  And running/weight-lifting to stay healthy.  And tending her niece.  AND, oh goodness, she crochets baby blankets to keep on hand for when a friend or coworkers announces a pregnancy.  PLUS, she has struggled with a mysterious digestive illness that has regularly put her in the hospital and caused almost daily pain and discomfort.  Yeah, she is definitely one of those.

I am not one of those.

I like to watch TV.

Tags: procrastination

Sweet dreams

One of the biggest challenges we’ve faced with our daughter is sleep.  She is over a year old now, and still rarely sleeps through the night.  At one point, as an infant, she would often wake up 6+ times a night.  As you can imagine, we felt like zombies.  And believe me, we tried everything, at least it seemed that way.  She just isn’t a good sleeper, end of story.

The hubby and I often fantasize about sleep.  Sweet, sweet sleep…  An uninterrupted eight hours of blissful shut-eye…

But, you know what?  These days, I don’t really mind getting up with my little girl at 4:00 in the morning. I groan as I hear her cries floating from the other room, mentally willing her to just go back to sleep.  I sigh as I roll out of bed.  Now that it is getting colder leaving my warm bed carries even more of a sting than it did before, and I groan again.

I stumble into my baby’s room, one eye barely cracked as I approach the crib, where she is standing with arms outreached for me.  I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help but scoop her up with her beloved blankie and sit down to rock her in the dark.

It’s a rare and precious moment.  She is still- something that never happens through the course of the day anymore.  I cuddle her, my arms full of baby.  I look at her long legs draped across my lap, her feet dangling off the edge, and I think about how she used to fit on just one arm of mine.

We rock quietly, and I can hear her give a deep and contented sigh.  Her soft body rises and falls with her breaths, and without realizing it I rock to the rythm of her breathing.

When I can tell she is good and sleepy, I carefully stand up to place her in her crib, whispering “night-night” to her again before I tip-toe out.

As I slide back under my comforter, I feel relieved that she is asleep and cross my fingers she will stay in that state for a few more hours.  At the same time though, I am grateful for the peaceful moment spent together in the dark.  I feel a warmth spread through me as I recall her long eyelashes resting on her cheeks, the shape of her mouth as she drifts to sleep.

Sometimes, when she does sleep through the night, I miss her.

She won’t need me for much longer.  Eventually she will be a “big girl”.  Independent, unafraid, and happy to be on her own.  And when that happens, I will probably lie awake at night, wishing I could go in to cuddle her in the quiet darkness.

Tags: love, sleep

Back in the saddle

Whew!  How’s everyone doing?  Good?  Great.  So, it seems I dropped the ball for a bit on this whole blogging thing.  But no worries, I’m back!  Life just became, well…life.  For a while there things just seemed so overwhelming with job hunts, then a new job, training, tests, school, more tests, teething baby, lack of sleep, an ongoing weight loss competition, agonizing over the swine flu (get the vaccine?  don’t get the vaccine?  ACK!), and a messy house, that I just plain couldn’t fathom doing one more blasted thing at the end of the day, such as writing for this here bloggy.  But fortunately now the new job is secured, we’re on the home stretch for this semester, and mama’s finally getting her groove back.  Looking forward to some future posts!

Tags: back to work, feeling crazy

Kidney appreciation day

I have learned a valuable lesson over the last 24 hours: never take your vital organs for granted.

A couple of days ago I came down with a bladder infection.  Nothing major, but unpleasant nonetheless.  I figured I could just flush it out with some cranberry juice and water.  No big deal.  Things didn’t really improve over the next couple of days, but I figured it would pass in time.

Then, last night I’m woken up at about 2:35 AM, wondering what that awful sensation in my back is.  I’ve had lower back problems for years, and they have been aggravated recently by all the bending, twisting, and lifting that I’ve discovered motherhood requires.  So I wake up thinking ugh, my back is really giving me troubles tonight. I tried changing positions over and over, and rather than it getting better, the pain kept getting worse and worse.  It was so intense that it was shooting down my legs and my whole lower back felt like it was a big red, radiating ball of pain (you know, like you see on the commercials).  I rolled over and got up on my knees, my face smashed into the pillow, hoping that would stretch things out.  Nothing.  Before I knew it I was rocking back and fourth on all fours and breathing raggedly.  I felt like I was in labor, except this time my back was intending to deliver…something, I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a baby.

Eventually I woke up the hubby, gasping for breath between the shots of pain that were now stabbing through each side of my back.  He tried massaging it, thinking maybe I had really pulled my muscles or something.  Again, no relief.  At this point I realized that it wasn’t my run of the mill back problems.  Nope, it was my kidneys, and apparently someone had set fire to them while I was sleeping.  Seriously, the only thing I could compare it to was labor… and I experienced some pretty intense labor.

Brady was kind enough to get me a handful of ibuprofen and some water, and soothed me until I was no longer shaking and and moaning in pain.  I didn’t know if I should go to the ER or wait it out or what to do, so I laid down to see if the pain meds would kick in.  Fortunately they did, and somehow I managed to drift off to sleep.

I woke up in the morning feeling almost back to normal, but over time the stabbing, searing, throbbing pain in my back returned, and has been alternating between sharp pain and a dull ache all day.  I went to my doctor to get some antibiotics, so hopefully they will do the trick soon.

So all this time I’ve totally been taking my hardworking, dependable kidneys for granted.  I rarely give them a thought or even notice that they are even there.  But WOW, do they have a way of making themselves known when something goes wrong!

Tags: pain, sick

The case of the missing motivation

Oh my.  Sigh…What to do in such a situation?  I seem to have lost my motivation, have you seen it?  It’s actually gone missing for a couple of weeks.  I keep thinking it will come back, like a rogue cat off for an adventure but returning home eventually.  Perhaps a little mangled and worse for wear, but home nonetheless.  Maybe my motivation got in a vicious fight with someone else’s stray motivation and is dead.  It wasn’t very strong to begin with, poor thing.

It is especially apparent while I am at work that a very vital piece of me is missing.  Today actually has been better than the last few.  I’ve gotten a few things crossed off my list that were important.  But I still tend to want to hide in my cubicle in hopes that I will blend in with the drab blue-gray walls and no one will know I’m here.  It’s not a good way to do business.  I do want to do better, really I do, but…blahhhh….

As I drive to work I seriously try to give myself a pep talk.  It goes something like this:  Ok, you know you have to go to work and there is no way around it, so you might as well make the best of it.  It’s a good job!  Really, it’s not so bad!  Sure it seems as though you do the same thing day after day, after day, after day…but they treat you well and plus, you get paid!  And woman, your family needs to eat!  So perk up!  Sit up straight!  Slap a smile on your face!  Put some spring in your step!  All you have to do is buckle down, work hard for a few hours, and then you can go home to your lovely family.  You can do it!  You can do it…you can do it…you can do it…

Seriously, I’m not even joking you, I give myself that pep talk regularly.  But is it doing any good?  No.  Although, maybe if I didn’t do it my performance would be even worse.  A frightening thought.  Probably best to keep doing it.  Maybe it would be more effective out loud?  Nah, too weird.

This lack of motivation is also applying to my exercise/healthy eating regime.  Let me be more specific, my non-existent exercise/healthy eating regime.  I can’t seem to get my jiggly butt on that treadmill, even though the thought of a firm backside is somewhat motivating.  Just not motivating enough.  Therein lies the problem.

Oh…motivation, come back!  I can’t go on this way!  I promise I’ll take better care of you!  I’ll listen to you more, I swear!  Just come back…please?

Tags: exercise, work