Running beside the wagon

Here’s the thing about frugal living: you have to think about it EVERY SINGLE DAY.  At least at first.  It’s not easy making the change, especially when your husband suggests Del Taco because nothing else at home sounds good and we have no leftovers from previous dinners.  Sure, we have other food on hand.  Sure, I could make something from scratch.  But if I have to expend energy to stand on my feet and cook something for lunch (lunch!  Who cooks something for lunch??) (the more I type the word ‘lunch’ the funnier it looks.  Ha!  Lunch lunch lunch…) (where was I?)…Oh yes, I am not going to expend precious energy to creatively combine random pantry ingredients to cook a satisfying lunch from scratch EVERY DAY.  That’s crazy talk.

Needless to say, my zeal for frugal living has it’s ups and downs.

Clearly, I have the wrong frame of mind.  The key to frugal living is Big Picture type thinking.  The little sacrifices, the planning ahead, the constant effort…it all pays off in the end.  In the end you’ll have extra money to [insert desired activity/item here].  But some days it is really hard to think Big Picture.  Sometimes I can’t help but just think about Right Now.  And Right Now mama’s tired and wants a burrito.

I’m not off the frugal-livin’-n-lovin’ wagon yet, just kind of dangling off the edge a little and dragging my feet in the sand.  And I’ll get back on.  Just you wait.  One day I’ll be driving that bad boy.  Just you wait…

Tags: frugal living, thinking

New beginnings

I’m excited for the new year.  I’m ready for 2009 to be over with and to start fresh.  This last year ended well, but the beginning was rough for me since I was under the dark cloud of postpartum depression for a long time.  I’m looking forward to all that 2010 can bring!

Speaking of 2010, doesn’t that sound like the future or something?  It’s sounds all sci-fi movie-ish to me.  I bet that back in 1950 or something they pictured 2010 with flying cars and silver jumpsuits and people living on the moon and all sorts of crazy stuff.

Anyway, I’ve made some new year’s resolutions which I fully intend to keep.  I can proudly say that in past years I have actually completed some of the resolutions I set for myself, so I’m hoping I can again this year.

#1-  Blog more!

#2- Exercise more.  Specifically, cardio 3 days a week, yoga 2 days a week, and some strength training mixed in too.

#3- Stick to a budget.  Unpleasant, yes, but also rewarding (hopefully).

#4- Organize and/or eliminate clutter.  Ugh.

I hope by doing these I can become a) a better and more productive person, and b) less of feeling like I’m on the verge of going insane some days.

I think I can do it.  Now that the Internet knows my goals I have to, right?

Tags: new year resolutions

Bravery

Last Thursday in our usual management meeting, one of my co-workers made an announcement.  We’re not best friends or anything, but we went on a business trip together a few months ago and I got to know him much better.  He is a good guy.  He always looks for the best in people, gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, is not easily offended, and is always eager to help where he can.  His wife used to work with us also, and she is about to give birth to their first baby next month after suffering several miscarriages.

He announced that he is being deployed to Afghanistan in March.  He will be gone for approximately 400 days.  The whole room went silent.  No one knew what to say.

For some reason, it felt like my heart stopped and I could feel tears prick my eyes.

Our boss announced that they will be hiring for his position while he is away, and then when he returns home he will have his job waiting for him.

The room was awkwardly silent.  We were all thinking the same thing:

IF.

IF he comes home, he will have his job waiting for him.

I went back to my desk and fought back tears.  He is a good man.  A brave man.  A man who loves his country enough that he will leave his wife and newborn son to put himself in harm’s way.  His wife is a good woman, for being brave enough to let him go, especially after having their first child.  I would’ve died if my hubby left for war after my daughter was born.  These two individuals are a thousand times stronger than I am.  I cried in my cubicle thinking about all the brave men and women that have left their homes and their families, and wished they didn’t have to.

I hope and pray that he will come home.  I hope all of them can come home.

Tags: brave, soldiers

When it rains, it pours

I totally fell off of the NaBloPoMo wagon.  I was doing so well, too!  Oh well, there’s always next year.  This year a little thing called life got in the way, I’m afraid.

Last weekend I got a flat tire that couldn’t be fixed, and since my car needed new tires anyway we had to deal with the whole rigmarole of arranging driving and all that fun stuff until we could finally take my car in on Tuesday, which also happened to be the day that I was irrational and emotional, probably due to lack of sleep and hormones, and the hubby was the same way so that equaled out to some marital discord.

The previous night, Monday, all was going fairly well (except the car thing) and since the hubby had to pick me up from work he thought it would be nice for us to go out for a family dinner to my favorite restaurant.  We didn’t have a baby-sitter or anything, but figured Claire would be just fine and would enjoy getting out for a bit.  Everything started off great- Claire was happy watching all the people and playing with crayons and we were enjoying our salads and bread.  I look up from my salad to glance at Claire in her high chair and HOLY CRAP!  She’s spewing vomit everywhere! Not a sound did she make, nor was there any inclination whatsoever of her not feeling good.  But out of the blue she starts barfing copious amounts,which is a mystery to me, since she was still avoiding eating that day.

I grabbed all the napkins I could find, including ones off of other peoples’ tables in an attempt to catch/clean up some of the mess.  The poor girl is crying pretty hard now and we’re trying to figure out a way to get her to the bathroom without smearing puke all over ourselves, all the while pretending that all the other diners aren’t staring at us in horror.  I finally managed to escape to the restroom, strip her down, clean her up, and put her in the spare onesie in the diaper bag.  We hung out in there for a little while, just in case, and when I felt the coast was clear we headed back to the table.  However, the second I rounded the corner and approached our table…

“BLEEEEEHHHHH!!   WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!”

She barfed again.  Back to the restroom we went, leaving the hubby to get everything boxed up and in the car.  So much for the nice evening.  One of those things you put under the “WHY DO WE EVEN TRY?” category.

I do have to pause for a second though and mention that while I was in the restroom with my crying, half-naked, smelly child that I felt very grateful for the sense of camaraderie I felt with the other women in there.  None of them stared, none of the pretended to ignore us in the hopes of avoiding something unpleasant and uncomfortable.  Each woman that came through offered her sympathies and help and shared stories of when their child had done something similar.  It made me feel as though I was part of this network of mothers that understood and cared.  We didn’t really know each other, but we had an understanding of what the other had been through.  For some odd reason feeling as though I wasn’t alone in my struggles made everything easier.

So with Monday and Tuesday both in the crapper, the week was off to a pretty un-promising start.  More to come of the remainder of the week’s events…

Tags: car crap, motherhood, puke, sick baby

One of those days

Here I was, looking forward to the weekend with the naive hope that it would offer some relief from the stress of the workweek.  Sadly, my hopes have been dashed.  Here is how the last 24 hours have gone:

- The kid wakes up over and over in the night for unspecified reasons.  When I demanded an answer at 3:00 AM as to why she insisted on waking me up again all I got was an “eh?” in response.  I think she’s faking that she doesn’t understand the question.

-  The kid decides after not sleeping all night that waking up for the day at 6:15 AM is a great idea.

-  Husband leaves for work at 7:45 AM, leaving a tired and very grumpy mama with a teething and also grumpy toddler.  Brewing a recipe for disaster commences.

-  As I am attemtping to make myself decent, I realize the house is eerily quiet.  No noise from the kid in the next room.  I go to inspect and discover her emptying my purse and being particularly taken with the bright red lipstick in there.  In order to investigate this exciting new product further, the kid decides to taste it, smear it on her jammies, and rub it on the carpet.  Awesome.

- The kid spends the rest of the morning ignoring my attempts to distract her with fun items (”Look, honey, a plastic spoon!”) and fakes that she doesn’t understand the word “no”.  I know she is faking because the entire time she is doing something naughty she says “no” repeatedly.  Multiple time-outs ensue.

-  The kid decides that the mild whining and grunting over the last couple of hours has not been sufficient and decides to screech incessantly at the top of her lungs, over NOTHING.

-  Oh, did I mention that through all of this mama has PMS= the overwhelming feeling that I am completely unable to cope with life in general?  I didn’t mention that?  Silly me, since that has made everything exponentially worse.

- 1:00 PM.  I’ve had it.  The countdown to when daddy gets home has begun.  Thankfully, the kid is taking a nap.

The bright beacon of hope shining through all of this today has been the knowledge that tonight I get to go to the SYTYCD live concert.  YEAH!  If I can just keep that in my sights, I think I’ll make it through the next five hours…

Tags: feeling crazy, PMS, whining

Like clockwork

Men are so weird.

I grew up in a family with all sisters, no brothers, so I don’t think I really got the full idea of how guys are.  Sure, my dad lived there, but he was my dad.  Needless to say, getting married was a pretty big eye opener for me.  And I’ve had it easy, my hubby is generally very well mannered and not the usual gross boy.

One thing I’m still discovering, after 3 years of marriage, is that men are nothing without their routine.  If one thing gets off in their personal schedule the whole day might as well go down the drain.

This morning the hubby and I were up a little early due to the fact we are still adjusting to daylight savings.  As a result, he could get ready for school at leisure and had plenty of time before he had to leave.  Normally he doesn’t eat breakfast because he tries to sleep as long as possible before he absolutely must get up and get ready.  But today, I assumed he would want breakfast since he had time, and who wouldn’t want to eat when given the opportunity?  I know that I always look forward to my next opportunity to eat.  You know, like a normal person.

Except when I asked him what he wanted for breakfast he said wanted nothing.  Nothing?  Huh?  He said he had to leave for class.  “But you don’t have to leave for at least another 10 minutes.  That’s plenty of time to down a couple of Eggo’s!” I insisted.  He said he didn’t want to rush.  “Well then, just grab a quick bowl of cereal.  You don’t want to be hungry, do you?” I pressed.  No thanks.  “Are you nuts?  Why on earth would you willingly go hungry for the next 3 hours?”  I couldn’t understand this crazy man’s logic.

Finally he came clean with a sigh, “I don’t want to throw off my schedule.  If I eat now, I’ll have to eat lunch early, and then I’ll be hungry in the afternoon.”

Me: *Blink…blink*  “So, eat a snack in the afternoon.  It makes no sense to go hungry if you don’t have to.”

Him: “No, I want to eat just 3 meals a day.  I have to stick to the schedule.”

Seriously, this logic is completely baffling to me.  I have no eating schedule.  I eat when I’m hungry, I don’t eat if I’m not.  I eat when food is available, I don’t eat if there isn’t any.  Simple as that.  And since I know you’re dying to know, same with my bathroom habits.  I go when I need to, and don’t go if there is no need.  Logical, right?  No schedule.  I’m footloose and fancy free!

Crazy hubby, on the other hand, has an iron-clad bathroom regimen, especially in the morning.  If things don’t go according to schedule, his whole day is off.  Apparently his eating habits must go as planned too.  And I know his sleep must stay on schedule.  If he gets more than 30 minutes off for even one night he wakes up the next morning insisting he is getting a cold due to lack of sleep.  Personally, I think it’s all in his head. 

Are all men like this?  Are women like this too and I’m just the weird one??

Tags: schedules, the hubby, weird

National Blog Posting Month

Well, technically from what I understand it’s National Novel Writing Month, or something like that, where you attempt to write an entire novel in 30 days.  Who does that?  I’d have to quit my job and everything to even attempt that.

So, instead, I’ve decided to attempt NaBloPoMo and post every day for the next 30 days.  This should be interesting.  What the dickens am I going to write about every single day for an entire month?

We shall see!

All work and no play makes mama a dull girl

I should be doing homework, but I’m not.  I should be cleaning my house or something, but I’m not.  I should most defintiely be working out, but again, I’m not.

I’m p r o c r a s t i n a t i n g.  How fun!  And if you’re reading this, I think you might be too.

Have you ever known one of those people that seems to be sprinting ALL THE TIME?  I mean seriously, the kind of person that says something like, “I haven’t sat down to watch a TV show in years!”  when you ask them what they think of the latest cast of So You Think You Can Dance (best show EVER, by the way, in case you were wondering).  And then you feel dumb because you do have enough time to sit down and watch TV.  But then you realize it’s not really a matter of time, but maybe a matter of stamina?  And, I suppose, priorities?  Pfft. Priorities!  Ha!

Yeah, there are lots of people like that in my life.  It all started with my piano teacher when I was growing up.  She vacuumed her house every day.  Every day!  And baked bread and froze it just in case someone in the neighborhood could use it.  And she exercised every day.  And took care of her daughter’s kids (not to mention her daughter).  And her hair was always big and poofy and perfect.  And she always wore make-up, including lipstick!  And had matching accessories (including a variety of watches that fascinated me).  And she taught piano lessons all the time.  And then she’d take these extravagant trips to Venezuala to go scuba diving with her husband.  When asked once how she did it all she said she only needed about 4-5 hours of sleep a night.  Oh, and did I mention she had arthritis?  But still got everything done all the frickin’ time?

This woman became the standard of amazingness for my mother and I.  Since then if we’d find someone else that was constantly going, going, going, we’d say “Oh, she’s a Barbara Paulsen, that one!”

My best friend is one of those.  I fully realized this when this last Christmas she drove 25 minutes to my house to deliver a plate of goodies on a beautiful Christmas platter.  Included on it was homemade zucchini bread, made from the zucchini she grew in her garden.  Which somehow she did between taking a full load of nursing classes.  And working.  And keeping up a beautifully decorated house.  And cooking healthy meals for her husband.  And running/weight-lifting to stay healthy.  And tending her niece.  AND, oh goodness, she crochets baby blankets to keep on hand for when a friend or coworkers announces a pregnancy.  PLUS, she has struggled with a mysterious digestive illness that has regularly put her in the hospital and caused almost daily pain and discomfort.  Yeah, she is definitely one of those.

I am not one of those.

I like to watch TV.

Tags: procrastination

Sweet dreams

One of the biggest challenges we’ve faced with our daughter is sleep.  She is over a year old now, and still rarely sleeps through the night.  At one point, as an infant, she would often wake up 6+ times a night.  As you can imagine, we felt like zombies.  And believe me, we tried everything, at least it seemed that way.  She just isn’t a good sleeper, end of story.

The hubby and I often fantasize about sleep.  Sweet, sweet sleep…  An uninterrupted eight hours of blissful shut-eye…

But, you know what?  These days, I don’t really mind getting up with my little girl at 4:00 in the morning. I groan as I hear her cries floating from the other room, mentally willing her to just go back to sleep.  I sigh as I roll out of bed.  Now that it is getting colder leaving my warm bed carries even more of a sting than it did before, and I groan again.

I stumble into my baby’s room, one eye barely cracked as I approach the crib, where she is standing with arms outreached for me.  I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help but scoop her up with her beloved blankie and sit down to rock her in the dark.

It’s a rare and precious moment.  She is still- something that never happens through the course of the day anymore.  I cuddle her, my arms full of baby.  I look at her long legs draped across my lap, her feet dangling off the edge, and I think about how she used to fit on just one arm of mine.

We rock quietly, and I can hear her give a deep and contented sigh.  Her soft body rises and falls with her breaths, and without realizing it I rock to the rythm of her breathing.

When I can tell she is good and sleepy, I carefully stand up to place her in her crib, whispering “night-night” to her again before I tip-toe out.

As I slide back under my comforter, I feel relieved that she is asleep and cross my fingers she will stay in that state for a few more hours.  At the same time though, I am grateful for the peaceful moment spent together in the dark.  I feel a warmth spread through me as I recall her long eyelashes resting on her cheeks, the shape of her mouth as she drifts to sleep.

Sometimes, when she does sleep through the night, I miss her.

She won’t need me for much longer.  Eventually she will be a “big girl”.  Independent, unafraid, and happy to be on her own.  And when that happens, I will probably lie awake at night, wishing I could go in to cuddle her in the quiet darkness.

Tags: love, sleep

Back in the saddle

Whew!  How’s everyone doing?  Good?  Great.  So, it seems I dropped the ball for a bit on this whole blogging thing.  But no worries, I’m back!  Life just became, well…life.  For a while there things just seemed so overwhelming with job hunts, then a new job, training, tests, school, more tests, teething baby, lack of sleep, an ongoing weight loss competition, agonizing over the swine flu (get the vaccine?  don’t get the vaccine?  ACK!), and a messy house, that I just plain couldn’t fathom doing one more blasted thing at the end of the day, such as writing for this here bloggy.  But fortunately now the new job is secured, we’re on the home stretch for this semester, and mama’s finally getting her groove back.  Looking forward to some future posts!

Tags: back to work, feeling crazy