Ridiculous!

Those who know me know I have been going to school for a very long time.  Forever, in fact.  Yes, forever!  It never ends.  I’ve taken about a million classes.  Yes, a million!  And no, I am not prone to exaggeration.  Why do you ask?

I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel (can I get a HALLELUJIAH?), and today I stopped by my advisor to make sure things were on track.  As she was scrolling through my millions (yes, millions!) of credits she noticed I had not officially applied to receive my associate’s degree even though I am qualified for it.  I suppose I was so focused on the bachelor’s that I never really thought about the associate’s, but I figured I should get that taken care of.  If nothing else, at least it will help me feel like I accomplished something. 

So, I just logged into the school website and went through the degree application process.  Everything was going swimmingly until I reached the last step:  paying $20 to apply for graduation.  Whaaaa…???  I assumed the THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS I spent in tuition over the years would cover the whole degree thing! 

How foolish of me! 

Aargh!!

Tags: frustration, graduation, school

Back to life

Well, I’m happy to report that the family has finally returned to a a healthy status.  Brady had to go back to the doctor early in the week because he still couldn’t hear, and it turned out his ears were still infected, even after a full round of antibiotics.  He got another shot of meds, but it’s been almost a week and he has yet to hear clearly out of his right ear.  It’s crazy to me what he has gotten sick with lately- RSV and ear infections.  It’s like I have another infant in the house.

I swear Claire came out the other side of her illness even cuter than before.  She truly lights up the room with her happy personality.  She has developed quite the sense of humor and jabbers all day long.  I could just eat her up, she is so stinking adorable.  I’m sure she’s getting tired of having me kiss her chubby cheeks, but I definitely can’t get enough.

So now it’s back to the daily grind of juggling schedules and racing from one place to the next as we try to go to class and work and fulfill our duties at home.  It is exhausting, but I do feel good knowing we are being productive and filling our time with good things.  Some days I don’t even realize there are people leading lives that allow for leisure time, until I hear someone mention they went shoe shopping or they went out to pick up a new necklace.  Shoe shopping?? I can’t even remember what it is like to browse through a store, looking for something to buy.  Occasionally I will try to squeeze in a few minutes of online shopping, but being able to actually wander around a store, touching and trying on merchandise, sounds like an absolute dream to me.  I’m sure someday we will reach that point again.  For now, it’s best if I just pretend a life like that doesn’t exist and that everyone spends their time either trapped in a classroom or trapped in a cubicle or running somewhere in between.  My alternate reality is quite the sanity-saver.

Tags: busy, daydreaming, family life

Tempting fate

Lately, as I’ve been getting in bed at night I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.  It’s usually pretty short-lived since I’m so exhausted I can’t keep the wheels turning long, but there’s been some serious reflecting going on. 

There’s a lot of crap out there.  Like really, a LOT of bad stuff.  I can’t help but wonder how or why I have been so blessed.  Sometimes stop and think about all the horrible things that people have to deal with and I’m amazed at how fortunate I am.  I’m not saying I don’t have my trials and struggles, because I do.  But even though they feel pretty major to me sometimes, I would much rather deal with the crap I have over most of the other options. 

When I think about how lucky I am to have a loving family- both my immediate little family and my extended family- a warm home, health, a job, an education, a safe place to live, food, friends, the chance to do fun things, etc…my heart just feels as though it could burst!  The fact that I’ve been spared from war, famine, disease, catastrophe, and so many other things makes me feel weak with gratitude.  Life could be so much worse, in so many different ways, how could I ever have the audacity to complain?

Sometimes I can’t help but feel so unworthy to have been spared such heartache.  I know there are so many better people than me out there who have suffered.  I’m truly so lucky.  I hope someday I can be the kind of person that deserves such good fortune, and in turn be the kind of person that can bless the lives of others.

Tags: blessed, deep thoughts, lucky, thankful

Precious moments

There have been many times in my life where I wished I could just hit the pause button and freeze certain moments in time.  Lately, it seems like I am feeling that more and more.  My little girl has hit that precious transition between baby and little girl, and while I love the little girl she is becoming, I already miss the baby she was.  The phases seem so short and fleeting, and just when I feel like I can fully appreciate a new phase she is in it is over and on to the next one.  And during the tumultuous toddler years I know the sweet, calm phases can be short lived and therefore need to be appreciated even more.

The past few days she has positively oozed cuteness from every pore.  I’ve been priveledged to spend plenty of uninterrupted time with her, which feels rare these days considering the hectic schedule I am constantly trying to keep up with.  She has been playful, talkative, cuddly, and curious.  We’ve had conversations about everything under the sun (some of it I didn’t understand, but she sure seemed to be interested!)  We’ve read books over and over with her sitting on my lap, pointing to pictures and giggling.  We’ve sung songs and played in the park and she let me kiss her chubby cheeks as much as I wanted to. 

This morning she greeted me with her usual cheery, ” ‘I Mama!” as I walked in her room to get her up.  She jabbered as I got her ready for the day.  We said hello to the world as we opened the blinds to let the sun in, and I told her I would make her a waffle for breakfast. 

“Faffle!” she exclaimed, her face lighting up as I put her down to get things ready.

“Faffle!”  she chirped over and over, stamping her feet in a happy dance, her little fists balled up in excitement and a smile on her face.  “Faffle!”

It’s times like that I wish I could put under glass to preserve for a later time when I know things may be challenging.  I do my best to capture the moment in my mind, but just like all the other moments I’ve tried so hard to preserve I know time will dim the edges and make it blurry and hard to recapture. 

Still, I am grateful I will have the memory, even if it is imperfect.  Someday I will likely get a letter like this tucked under my pillow, and I’ll wistfully remember the day I was my daughter’s hero because I made her a “faffle”:

I found this today on one of my favorite websites- PassiveAggressiveNotes- and it cracked me up.  Not exactly the love note mom was hoping for, I’m sure!  I suppose it could be worse though, right?

Tags: funny note, kids, precious moments

Running beside the wagon

Here’s the thing about frugal living: you have to think about it EVERY SINGLE DAY.  At least at first.  It’s not easy making the change, especially when your husband suggests Del Taco because nothing else at home sounds good and we have no leftovers from previous dinners.  Sure, we have other food on hand.  Sure, I could make something from scratch.  But if I have to expend energy to stand on my feet and cook something for lunch (lunch!  Who cooks something for lunch??) (the more I type the word ‘lunch’ the funnier it looks.  Ha!  Lunch lunch lunch…) (where was I?)…Oh yes, I am not going to expend precious energy to creatively combine random pantry ingredients to cook a satisfying lunch from scratch EVERY DAY.  That’s crazy talk.

Needless to say, my zeal for frugal living has it’s ups and downs.

Clearly, I have the wrong frame of mind.  The key to frugal living is Big Picture type thinking.  The little sacrifices, the planning ahead, the constant effort…it all pays off in the end.  In the end you’ll have extra money to [insert desired activity/item here].  But some days it is really hard to think Big Picture.  Sometimes I can’t help but just think about Right Now.  And Right Now mama’s tired and wants a burrito.

I’m not off the frugal-livin’-n-lovin’ wagon yet, just kind of dangling off the edge a little and dragging my feet in the sand.  And I’ll get back on.  Just you wait.  One day I’ll be driving that bad boy.  Just you wait…

Tags: frugal living, thinking

New beginnings

I’m excited for the new year.  I’m ready for 2009 to be over with and to start fresh.  This last year ended well, but the beginning was rough for me since I was under the dark cloud of postpartum depression for a long time.  I’m looking forward to all that 2010 can bring!

Speaking of 2010, doesn’t that sound like the future or something?  It’s sounds all sci-fi movie-ish to me.  I bet that back in 1950 or something they pictured 2010 with flying cars and silver jumpsuits and people living on the moon and all sorts of crazy stuff.

Anyway, I’ve made some new year’s resolutions which I fully intend to keep.  I can proudly say that in past years I have actually completed some of the resolutions I set for myself, so I’m hoping I can again this year.

#1-  Blog more!

#2- Exercise more.  Specifically, cardio 3 days a week, yoga 2 days a week, and some strength training mixed in too.

#3- Stick to a budget.  Unpleasant, yes, but also rewarding (hopefully).

#4- Organize and/or eliminate clutter.  Ugh.

I hope by doing these I can become a) a better and more productive person, and b) less of feeling like I’m on the verge of going insane some days.

I think I can do it.  Now that the Internet knows my goals I have to, right?

Tags: new year resolutions

Bravery

Last Thursday in our usual management meeting, one of my co-workers made an announcement.  We’re not best friends or anything, but we went on a business trip together a few months ago and I got to know him much better.  He is a good guy.  He always looks for the best in people, gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, is not easily offended, and is always eager to help where he can.  His wife used to work with us also, and she is about to give birth to their first baby next month after suffering several miscarriages.

He announced that he is being deployed to Afghanistan in March.  He will be gone for approximately 400 days.  The whole room went silent.  No one knew what to say.

For some reason, it felt like my heart stopped and I could feel tears prick my eyes.

Our boss announced that they will be hiring for his position while he is away, and then when he returns home he will have his job waiting for him.

The room was awkwardly silent.  We were all thinking the same thing:

IF.

IF he comes home, he will have his job waiting for him.

I went back to my desk and fought back tears.  He is a good man.  A brave man.  A man who loves his country enough that he will leave his wife and newborn son to put himself in harm’s way.  His wife is a good woman, for being brave enough to let him go, especially after having their first child.  I would’ve died if my hubby left for war after my daughter was born.  These two individuals are a thousand times stronger than I am.  I cried in my cubicle thinking about all the brave men and women that have left their homes and their families, and wished they didn’t have to.

I hope and pray that he will come home.  I hope all of them can come home.

Tags: brave, soldiers

When it rains, it pours

I totally fell off of the NaBloPoMo wagon.  I was doing so well, too!  Oh well, there’s always next year.  This year a little thing called life got in the way, I’m afraid.

Last weekend I got a flat tire that couldn’t be fixed, and since my car needed new tires anyway we had to deal with the whole rigmarole of arranging driving and all that fun stuff until we could finally take my car in on Tuesday, which also happened to be the day that I was irrational and emotional, probably due to lack of sleep and hormones, and the hubby was the same way so that equaled out to some marital discord.

The previous night, Monday, all was going fairly well (except the car thing) and since the hubby had to pick me up from work he thought it would be nice for us to go out for a family dinner to my favorite restaurant.  We didn’t have a baby-sitter or anything, but figured Claire would be just fine and would enjoy getting out for a bit.  Everything started off great- Claire was happy watching all the people and playing with crayons and we were enjoying our salads and bread.  I look up from my salad to glance at Claire in her high chair and HOLY CRAP!  She’s spewing vomit everywhere! Not a sound did she make, nor was there any inclination whatsoever of her not feeling good.  But out of the blue she starts barfing copious amounts,which is a mystery to me, since she was still avoiding eating that day.

I grabbed all the napkins I could find, including ones off of other peoples’ tables in an attempt to catch/clean up some of the mess.  The poor girl is crying pretty hard now and we’re trying to figure out a way to get her to the bathroom without smearing puke all over ourselves, all the while pretending that all the other diners aren’t staring at us in horror.  I finally managed to escape to the restroom, strip her down, clean her up, and put her in the spare onesie in the diaper bag.  We hung out in there for a little while, just in case, and when I felt the coast was clear we headed back to the table.  However, the second I rounded the corner and approached our table…

“BLEEEEEHHHHH!!   WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!”

She barfed again.  Back to the restroom we went, leaving the hubby to get everything boxed up and in the car.  So much for the nice evening.  One of those things you put under the “WHY DO WE EVEN TRY?” category.

I do have to pause for a second though and mention that while I was in the restroom with my crying, half-naked, smelly child that I felt very grateful for the sense of camaraderie I felt with the other women in there.  None of them stared, none of the pretended to ignore us in the hopes of avoiding something unpleasant and uncomfortable.  Each woman that came through offered her sympathies and help and shared stories of when their child had done something similar.  It made me feel as though I was part of this network of mothers that understood and cared.  We didn’t really know each other, but we had an understanding of what the other had been through.  For some odd reason feeling as though I wasn’t alone in my struggles made everything easier.

So with Monday and Tuesday both in the crapper, the week was off to a pretty un-promising start.  More to come of the remainder of the week’s events…

Tags: car crap, motherhood, puke, sick baby

One of those days

Here I was, looking forward to the weekend with the naive hope that it would offer some relief from the stress of the workweek.  Sadly, my hopes have been dashed.  Here is how the last 24 hours have gone:

- The kid wakes up over and over in the night for unspecified reasons.  When I demanded an answer at 3:00 AM as to why she insisted on waking me up again all I got was an “eh?” in response.  I think she’s faking that she doesn’t understand the question.

-  The kid decides after not sleeping all night that waking up for the day at 6:15 AM is a great idea.

-  Husband leaves for work at 7:45 AM, leaving a tired and very grumpy mama with a teething and also grumpy toddler.  Brewing a recipe for disaster commences.

-  As I am attemtping to make myself decent, I realize the house is eerily quiet.  No noise from the kid in the next room.  I go to inspect and discover her emptying my purse and being particularly taken with the bright red lipstick in there.  In order to investigate this exciting new product further, the kid decides to taste it, smear it on her jammies, and rub it on the carpet.  Awesome.

- The kid spends the rest of the morning ignoring my attempts to distract her with fun items (”Look, honey, a plastic spoon!”) and fakes that she doesn’t understand the word “no”.  I know she is faking because the entire time she is doing something naughty she says “no” repeatedly.  Multiple time-outs ensue.

-  The kid decides that the mild whining and grunting over the last couple of hours has not been sufficient and decides to screech incessantly at the top of her lungs, over NOTHING.

-  Oh, did I mention that through all of this mama has PMS= the overwhelming feeling that I am completely unable to cope with life in general?  I didn’t mention that?  Silly me, since that has made everything exponentially worse.

- 1:00 PM.  I’ve had it.  The countdown to when daddy gets home has begun.  Thankfully, the kid is taking a nap.

The bright beacon of hope shining through all of this today has been the knowledge that tonight I get to go to the SYTYCD live concert.  YEAH!  If I can just keep that in my sights, I think I’ll make it through the next five hours…

Tags: feeling crazy, PMS, whining

Like clockwork

Men are so weird.

I grew up in a family with all sisters, no brothers, so I don’t think I really got the full idea of how guys are.  Sure, my dad lived there, but he was my dad.  Needless to say, getting married was a pretty big eye opener for me.  And I’ve had it easy, my hubby is generally very well mannered and not the usual gross boy.

One thing I’m still discovering, after 3 years of marriage, is that men are nothing without their routine.  If one thing gets off in their personal schedule the whole day might as well go down the drain.

This morning the hubby and I were up a little early due to the fact we are still adjusting to daylight savings.  As a result, he could get ready for school at leisure and had plenty of time before he had to leave.  Normally he doesn’t eat breakfast because he tries to sleep as long as possible before he absolutely must get up and get ready.  But today, I assumed he would want breakfast since he had time, and who wouldn’t want to eat when given the opportunity?  I know that I always look forward to my next opportunity to eat.  You know, like a normal person.

Except when I asked him what he wanted for breakfast he said wanted nothing.  Nothing?  Huh?  He said he had to leave for class.  “But you don’t have to leave for at least another 10 minutes.  That’s plenty of time to down a couple of Eggo’s!” I insisted.  He said he didn’t want to rush.  “Well then, just grab a quick bowl of cereal.  You don’t want to be hungry, do you?” I pressed.  No thanks.  “Are you nuts?  Why on earth would you willingly go hungry for the next 3 hours?”  I couldn’t understand this crazy man’s logic.

Finally he came clean with a sigh, “I don’t want to throw off my schedule.  If I eat now, I’ll have to eat lunch early, and then I’ll be hungry in the afternoon.”

Me: *Blink…blink*  “So, eat a snack in the afternoon.  It makes no sense to go hungry if you don’t have to.”

Him: “No, I want to eat just 3 meals a day.  I have to stick to the schedule.”

Seriously, this logic is completely baffling to me.  I have no eating schedule.  I eat when I’m hungry, I don’t eat if I’m not.  I eat when food is available, I don’t eat if there isn’t any.  Simple as that.  And since I know you’re dying to know, same with my bathroom habits.  I go when I need to, and don’t go if there is no need.  Logical, right?  No schedule.  I’m footloose and fancy free!

Crazy hubby, on the other hand, has an iron-clad bathroom regimen, especially in the morning.  If things don’t go according to schedule, his whole day is off.  Apparently his eating habits must go as planned too.  And I know his sleep must stay on schedule.  If he gets more than 30 minutes off for even one night he wakes up the next morning insisting he is getting a cold due to lack of sleep.  Personally, I think it’s all in his head. 

Are all men like this?  Are women like this too and I’m just the weird one??

Tags: schedules, the hubby, weird