The odd thing about not . . . → Read More: My sisters say I don’t blog enough]]> And they’re totally right.  I told them to come clean my house so I would have time to actually do something else outside of work, but all I got were wrinkled noses and shaking heads on that one.  But, I’m trying to write a blog anyway.  YOU’RE WELCOME, SISTERS.

The odd thing about not writing much is that I don’t know where to pick up.  Do I go through and recap everything, like how cute Claire looked as a little witch on Halloween and how much she is loving preschool and regale you with tales of my quirky coworkers?  Or do I just pretend that I’ve been narrating all along and act like this bloggy and I are old friends?

I was reflecting today on what a rollercoaster ride this parenting thing is (SHOCKER, I know) and all the highs and lows we’ve been through recently with our offspring.  A few weeks ago she went on an all out poop strike, even going so far as to make itty-bitty signs and to form a picket line outside the bathroom.  (Ok, not really.  Instead there was lots of screaming and squirming.)  I was certain that we’d screwed her up and made her afraid somehow.  But after much trial and error and patience and Googling and hand-wringing and eventually a call to the pediatrician we have it mostly figured out.  Had I known ten years ago that someday my entire day’s happiness would be based on a little person pooping I would’ve been mighty depressed indeed.

So then after the high of thinking “hooray, we fixed our kid!” I was listening to her play today and realized that most of what she was saying revolved around her putting her toys in time-out and expressing her extreme displeasure with how naughty they were being.  And then whoosh, down the hill I went again on that roller-coaster realizing that THIS is what she’s picked up from us as parents?  Well, isn’t that lovely!  But then I thought about it some more and realized that this is probably normal, I think I remember doing the same thing as a kid.  And then the more I thought about it I realized, HEY, we aren’t such bad parents after all!  Because as she put her toys in time-out instead of saying awful things and calling her toys names and stuff, she was saying things like “I am not happy about this” in her most stern manner.  And that’s awesome!  Because that means we are doing something right by not using abusive language!  She learned that nice language from us!  I’ll have to remember to high-five my husband over that one before bed tonight.  It’s the little victories, people.

Anyway, life is good lately.  Busy and hectic and getting more busy and hectic it seems, but I’ve realized lately how very fortunate we are to be surrounded by truly wonderful people.  We have the most amazing family, friends, and neighbors, that I really can’t complain about anything.  And I’m not just saying that because I know my sisters are reading this.

By the way sisters, the offer for you to clean my house in exchange for blog posts is still on the table.  Babysitting is also accepted payment for blogging.  I’m pretty sure we can come to an agreement here.

*Tap tap*

I believe this is what is called a weblog, yes?  You…type?  And it goes out to the…Internets?  It’s been so long I’m a bit rusty on how all this works.

Dear bloggy friends, I have not forgotten you.  I’ve just been blasted busy.  Yes, really.  Busy and exhausted.  I . . . → Read More: Ahem…]]> Uh…this thing on?

*Tap tap*

I believe this is what is called a weblog, yes?  You…type?  And it goes out to the…Internets?  It’s been so long I’m a bit rusty on how all this works.

Dear bloggy friends, I have not forgotten you.  I’ve just been blasted busy.  Yes, really.  Busy and exhausted.  I switched jobs again at the end of June, which has been a wonderful and glorious thing.  This new job has like, people!  Who talk to me!  And a break room with cookies and popcorn!  And a giant panda pinata that sits at our receptionist desk and is rigged up to talk!  I’m not even kidding about that last one.  It has been a good, nay, a wonderful change.

BUT, here is the question I am left pondering this summer:

How does one…

Work 40 hours a week

Do laundry, and fold all that darned laundry

Scrub the bathroom on a somewhat regular basis

Play at the park with the daughter

Hold Family Home Evening

Plan and execute a birthday party

Prepare healthy lunches in advance to take to work

Organize the closets so they don’t one day bury you alive

Keep your car inspected, registered, clean, full of gas, and with air actually in the tires to boot

Pull weeds

Practice THE ORGAN for church during the week (and recover from the ensuing stroke every other Sunday)

Exercise regularly and count calories

Constantly work to arrange babysitters for this, that, and the other without making all your family and neighbors hate you

Go on dates with the husband now and then to make him feel special, and sometimes even put on lipstick or do your hair to look pretty

Enjoy quality time in the mountains

Scrub stains out of your carpet (a hopeless task…)

Keep fresh batteries in the smoke detectors so they don’t chirp at you at 4:00 AM

Hang out with extended family and be a decent daughter, sister, aunt, daughter-in-law, etc.

Commute an hour each day

Research and clip grocery coupons in desperate effort to not go broke

Help husband with homework

Scrapbook the precious moments of your child’s life

Catch up with girlfriends as to preserve valuable friendships

Take meals to neighbors in need

Field a million questions about your reproductive goals

Read books to the little one

Recycle

Think of ways to be creative and valuable at work

Keep a blog or two updated

Etc., etc., etc.

So, Internet.  HOW????  How does a single person do this and more?  Is this what is called “being an adult?”  I’m… pooped.

So blog buddies, can we be friends again?  I’m sorry for being neglectful.  I’ve just felt a little busy, is all.  Love you!

The end.

Ok, fine, that is a lame excuse for a post.  But yes, I do have writer’s block, in a way.  In reality, I write stuff all the time… in my head.  But lately it never seems to flow out through my fingertips and onto my keyboard.  Why is that?  . . . → Read More: Writer’s block]]> I haz it.

The end.

Ok, fine, that is a lame excuse for a post.  But yes, I do have writer’s block, in a way.  In reality, I write stuff all the time… in my head.  But lately it never seems to flow out through my fingertips and onto my keyboard.  Why is that?  I feel like I do a lot of thinking.  I have plenty of time to kill during my long commutes to and from work, where in the past I’ve had plenty of ideas and theories flutter through my brain.

However, these days I feel a little brain dead, for lack of a better phrase.  My head feels cloudy and blank much of the time.  Part of me wonders if it is because of my job, which is astonishingly boring and completely mind-numbing quite frequently.  I sit in a windowless office all day, with very little contact with other humans.  I talk with people over the phone for a small portion of each day, but otherwise it is all through email and chat.  My coworkers and I have very little interaction.  Not much is required for business, and any sort of social interaction with them is extremely rare.  For one, they are in love with their computers and video games and I am not.  Secondly, I am female and they are not, which makes me foreign and perhaps scary?

The way our office is set up is not really conducive to casual walk-by conversations.  If I were to want to interact with my coworkers I would have to walk down the hall and hang a left to their little den that I never have reason to visit, only to plop myself down and say “hey guys, what’s up?”.  That would end up being very uncomfortable because one would likely stare at me awkwardly but not say anything, the other would make some weird joke and then laugh loudly and nervously, the third one would say “YO!” loudly and then stick his earbuds back in, and the fourth would ask me if I was in love with my Mac yet and then we’d be out of conversation topics.  Sadly, that is an exact scenario of any socialization attempts I would make.

So, instead I sit in my windowless office which I am fairly certain is slowly but surely killing my brain cells.  I honestly feel like I am in a mental fog during most the day, and then finally when I find myself at home it is like my world comes alive again.  I’ve tried everything to make the long office days more bearable- I listen to music, I do squats, calf raises, lunges, jumping jacks, run in place… all sorts of crazy things to get the blood flowing back to my brain. (I’m always terrified that a coworker will walk past as I’m doing one of these activities, further solidifying in their mind how odd the new girl is).  I used to do push-ups before my hand/wrist went all screwy, but that is a post for a different day.  If it weren’t for my dear friend on chat, also working her life away at another company, I’d go insane.  Despite my best efforts though, I feel like this brain deadness is beginning to seep into other areas of my life and that I’m perpetually walking around simply trying to focus on what is before me at the moment and remember the important things required for functioning.  It is strange and frustrating and I’m not quite sure what to make of it yet, but that is my long explanation for the very limited posting these days.

Also, I’ve found myself having a bit of an identity crisis, maybe?  Most of the women in my part of the world are full-time stay-at-home moms or only work part-time.  Obviously, at this point in my life I am not one of them, although I hope to be in the not-too-distant future.  However, I have a hard time figuring out where I fit in as a working mother.  I am not working in a “career” that I love and find challenging but rewarding.  Again, maybe someday I’ll find a more rewarding way to bring in some money.  As a result, I kind of feel like a…misfit.  I’m not like the ladies in my neighborhood, I’m not like the men at my workplace, so who am I and where do I fit within the social fabric of my life?

I’ve found that in my social confusion over the last several weeks that the best thing for me to do is simply walk away from it, to just focus on me and my family and be happy with that.  I think one of the dangers of this wonder that is the Internet is that we are entirely too connected.  It is far too easy to surf blogs, Facebook, Twitter, and who knows what else and see what everyone else is doing and then wonder who and what you identify with and if perhaps there is something wrong with you?  There are the blogs from the cute little SAHM’s who modge-podge everything and make sure there are scalloped edges and tastefully shabby ribbons and damask fabric on everything they touch, and that certainly isn’t me.  Then there are the working mothers who agonize over the work-life balance like I do, but they are lawyers and advertising execs and intensive care nurses and such.  Not lowly sales reps sitting in cave-like offices, waiting for the day they can feel alive and worthwhile again.

Because the Internet is my lifeline during my long, coma-like hours in the office I spend a fair amount of time “connected” to others to a degree.  I finally realized that while I wasn’t intentionally comparing myself to all these other people, I was being bogged down by worrying about if I was “right” or “wrong” compared to these women I had never even met!  I really feel that in our society today we’re all so hyper-connected to others through social media that we begin to lose touch with the most important person: ourselves.

I don’t have a smartphone, and honestly I never really want to.  I see no reason to have that much information and connectivity with me at all times.  I have found it refreshing to step away from the computer and just sit and think.  To reflect on my life, my family, my strengths and weaknesses, my relationships, what I’ve done well, what I can do better.  Maybe our great historical figures were so noble because they had so much darn time to reflect on things, you know?  They weren’t constantly trying to come up with witty 140-character phrases or Facebook stalk their ex.  Instead, they reflected on who they were and mastered their inherit weak points in their character.

So I guess what I’m saying, in a very round-about sort of way, is that over the last few weeks I’ve found it helpful to untangle myself from the Internet a bit, including this blog.  I need to be a better and stronger person who is comfortable in my own skin.  I’m not giving this blog up; I like writing.  Just sometimes good writing ebbs and flows and right now it is just not flowing as I would like it to.  And in this space I don’t want to blog about nonsense that is neither funny, nor helpful, nor inspiring, nor profound, nor creative, nor meaningful or anything else of value.

Well, would you look at that- my writers block has turned into almost 1,300 words!  I guess the advice to just sit down and start writing does work.  Either way, I do plan to continue to write on this little bloggy as I do get great enjoyment from it and based on the word-vomit above it seems to help me organize some of the thoughts rattling around in my brain.  See you again sooner rather than later…hopefully…

(This “vintage” lunchbox for sale on Etsy.  Vintage!  Am I that old?)

The lunch I packed for work today:

1 peanut butter and honey sandwich on whole wheat bread

1 caramel rice cake (in place of chips.  Stupid healthy eating.)

. . . → Read More: Age appropriate]]>

(This “vintage” lunchbox for sale on Etsy.  Vintage!  Am I that old?)

The lunch I packed for work today:

1 peanut butter and honey sandwich on whole wheat bread

1 caramel rice cake (in place of chips.  Stupid healthy eating.)

1 small container of raw baby carrots

1 small package of applesauce

1 frosted heart-shaped sugar cookie that was made by my mother.  No joke.

A perfect lunch to fit into my old My Little Ponies lunchbox, no?  The only thing missing is a friggin’ juice box.

If I didn’t know any better, I would think I was 7 years old.

(My lunch is in a plastic Wal-Mart bag.  So much more grown up!)

“Do you know what I love most about you?”, the husband said earnestly.

I tossed . . . → Read More: My most amazing quality, if you can believe it]]> A year or two ago the husband and I went to dinner at a friend’s house.  We had a lovely time, and after returning home we chatted while changing into our comfy clothes (my favorite part of the day!).

“Do you know what I love most about you?”, the husband said earnestly.

I tossed my hair and batted my eyelashes and got ready for the compliment.  Could it be my sparkling personality?  My witty sense of humor?  My striking beauty?

“You’re not a picky eater”, he said decisively.

Uh…Well.  Interesting.

It’s true though.  One of our great joys as a couple is trying new foods, both while traveling or whipping them up in our own kitchen.  We are devoted to the Food Network and can often be found taking notes or recording entire episodes.  Food is fun!

I’m realizing now how many die-hard health fanatics would probably find this post to be blasphemous and alarming.  Let me clarify- we actually are pretty healthy eaters (generally).  I actually believe that those who do not enjoy the finer points of food and cooking often have more unhealthy habits, as they are more prone to regularly eating a frozen dinner and Cheetos rather than experimenting with the fresh vegetables discovered at the Farmer’s Market over the weekend.  Know what I mean?  But then again, “non-foodies” can be perfectly healthy eaters and “foodies” can eat terribly, so let’s not over-generalize here.

Anyway, over the last few years I’ve tried a number of new foods that I never thought I would like but discovered I really do!  So without further ado, here is a list of things I once assumed would be disgusting but are actually really good!  (Because I know you all care so much.)

1.  Indian food-  pretty much looks like someone barfed on a plate, but the husband convinced me to try it and now I get wicked cravings.  I even got really brave once and tried lamb at an Indian restaurant in NYC.  Traditionally lamb isn’t my favorite, but HOLY MOLY was that dish ever good!

2.  Sushi-  raw fish?  Who in their right mind eats raw fish??  This gal, that’s who.  Again, the man of the house convinced me and I’m happy he did.  I still have a hard time with sashimi, the thin pieces of just raw fish (the texture!  aaaahh!), but I do like a good sushi roll (and I’m not just talking a plain old California roll here).

3.  Chickpeas-  they look strange and have an odd name, but they’re super delish, especially on a salad or in hummus form.  And they’re super good for you too!

4.  Eggplant-  also very strange looking with a strange name, but cooked correctly it can be all sorts of yum.

5.  Avocado-  believe it or not, at one time I declared I did not like avocados.  I think the texture bothered me (if you can’t tell, food texture is a big deal for me).  But I gave them another chance and now I love avocados so much I could marry one.  Mmmmm….avocado…

6.  Onions-  not raw onions, don’t be crazy!  Well, maybe occasionally on a burger or sandwich or something.  But onions give such a fantastic flavor when used in cooking, I don’t know why I avoided them before.  And there are few things better than caramelized onions. Oh man, put those on a steak sandwich or in some stuffed mushrooms and it is sooooo good.

8.  Seafood- I realize this is an acquired taste.  I think most people either love or hate seafood.  I used to be ok with salmon and tuna fish and that’s it, but I realize now that for years I was missing out on crab, shrimp, lobster, sea bass, and other delectable items.  My husband is trying to get me to try oyster shooters…eh…I’ll get there.

7.  Spicy food-  to a point, anyway.  Growing up we never ate anything spicy so I was rather sensitive to it.  Over time though I’ve found I like a little kick to my food now and then.  My version of “spicy” is probably mild to some people, but I still like to think I’m more adventurous than I once was.

The more foods I try, the more I find I like.  I’ve found a love for many ethnic foods and am dying to explore more.  My point of this whole post is this:  don’t knock it until you try it.  One of the joys in life is discovering new and exciting things.  Sometimes you just have to have an open mind and an empty stomach, to quote one of my favorite Food Network shows.  Who knows, maybe your varied appetite will become your most attractive feature someday too!

(Even though I’m still not sure how to feel about the fact that that’s really my most redeeming quality.)

What about you?  Any suggestions for foods I should try?

And these guys:

In hopes of rediscovering these:

Back in my . . . → Read More: The good kind of obsession]]> Life is still hectic and uncertain, but I have felt much happier this week and more at peace.  Like everyone else, one of my New Year Resolutions was to be more acquainted with these guys:

And these guys:

In hopes of rediscovering these:

Back in my high school days I danced several hours a day which is pretty much the best work-out ever.  Muscle tone galore!  After graduation I took up running and even did a couple of small-ish races, which is a huge deal for me considering I had always hated running as a kid.  Physical activity has always been one of my “things”…right up until I got pregnant and the mere thought of moving off the couch made me want to hurl.  Ever since then I’ve managed to lose most of the baby-weight through sporadic exercise and moderating my eating, but the only thing that has really stuck is those last 5-7 pounds.

Lately, though, it’s like a switch has been flipped and I have this crazy desire to exercise, every day!  I’ve been doing workouts from this website in addition to jogging and I love it.  I have a long way to go before I feel like I’m in shape again, but it is nice to feel some soreness in my muscles and know that I’ve done something good for me.  I go to bed thinking about the workouts I could do the next day and wake up anxious for work to get over so I can do them.  Being more active motivates me to eat better, and I’ve found that my body just feels so much better when I eat fresh veggies with lunch instead of potato chips, etc.  At times it seems a bit like a new obsession, but it gets me excited.

I kind of can’t help but worry that the switch will suddenly flip back the other way and *poof*, motivation gone!  But I figure I might as well just ride the motivation train as long as I can.

I think part of the reason I’ve enjoyed it so much is because this is just about the one portion of my life I can actually control at the moment.  With work, school, childcare, car, financial, and health concerns weighing me down it is nice to know that I can make the decision about what I eat and when I eat, and that I can decide to work my body and how hard, and that because of my efforts I can feel my muscles getting stronger and my confidence going up.  Life is so unpredictable and crazy, and the more I sit on the couch and eat ice cream the more I feel like a victim of my circumstances and less like I’m in control.

The year is still young, but so far I’m feeling good about this resolution and my progress.

What about you?  How are your resolutions coming?  What motivates you?

For instance, as I mentioned before . . . → Read More: Imagine tiny, melancholy violins playing in the background as you read this post]]> Have you missed me?  I haven’t blogged for a whole week.  Trust me, I thought about this blog and writing and all that jazz, but I just couldn’t bring myself to write anything.  Why?  Well, any post I’d currently write would just sound like one big long whhhiiiiinnneeee.

For instance, as I mentioned before one of our cars broke down on Christmas Eve.  Turns out it was the transmission which is like, the worst news ever because even if you don’t know anything about cars (such as myself), you know that a transmission will cost you an arm and a leg or perhaps your firstborn.  Fortunately they let us keep our limbs and our child, but they demanded $2,200 instead.  And, uh, we do not have $2,200 to shell out, not even close.  So there’s that.  And it took them 3 weeks to fix the car, only for us to drive it home and hear a strange clinking sound as we drove, so today the husband had to trek back downtown 30 minutes away to have it looked at again.  I have not heard the verdict on the car because we are attempting to watch our pennies (see above:  $2,200 transmission) and the husband is already over on his minutes for the month and almost at his text limit, so we go most of the day without any communication save for the occasional email.  It’s quite odd.

Had enough whining?  No?  Good, I have more!  So, the husband started school again recently, his last full semester (wahoo!) and it is a killer.  The man is stressed out of his mind.  He has school every morning, Monday through Friday.  I work, every morning, Monday through Friday.  This poses a problem since we have a darling dependent.  In the past we have employed kind and generous neighbors with children of the same age to watch her one or two days a week, but I can’t in good conscience impose on anyone 5 days a week.  I cannot tell you how much I LOATHE begging people to watch our child, I feel so guilty.  We have tried to recruit two (2) paid babysitters to help us out, and both have fallen through.  I am at a loss.  I have looked into daycares, but hesitate due to two factors: 1) We have no money (see above:  $2,200 transmission and start of new college semester); and 2) our once-independent child has hit an exceedingly clingy stage, and it pains me to drop her off in a sea of children while she is crying.  Still not quite sure what to do about the whole childcare thing.  Ideas?

And can I just say January sucks big time?  Fer reals, I cannot wait for this blah month to end.  We all have cabin fever and are desperately longing for the warm summer days. We’ve all been sick thanks to the glorious cold and flu season that dominates this time of year and we’ve all turned into cranky-pants because we’re cooped up in a snow-covered house.  Boo.

All this complaining is exhausting, I’d better wrap this up.  If anyone is still reading this obnoxious and pathetic little post, my sincere apologies for the negativity.  The good news is that when you’re at the bottom, things can only go up, right?

Oh hey, I do have a tiny tidbit of good news that is keeping me going.  Those few extra pounds I gained over Christmas are gone, hooray!  I feel much better now that I’m not double-fisting Christmas cookies and fudge (even though it was soooo tasty…).  I’ve also found some great workouts to do at home and my muscles are good and sore (but not too sore), a feeling I actually rather enjoy because it means I did something.  Hopefully I can keep this up and be all toned up when summer rolls around 

Have a good weekend everyone, next time I hope to write a post full of butterflies and sunshine and rainbows!

This morning my alarm went off at 6:00 like it always does, and as I inexplicably seem to do lately I hit the snooze button 5 times and finally dragged my . . . → Read More: Mama said there would be days like this]]> Last night I gleefully thought to myself, “tomorrow is Friday and the week hasn’t even felt long!  Wheee!!” and life looked rather rosy.

This morning my alarm went off at 6:00 like it always does, and as I inexplicably seem to do lately I hit the snooze button 5 times and finally dragged my sleepy bones out of bed at 7:00.  I reveled in the fact that the 8:30 AM sales meeting that has been held EVERY MORNING for the last four months is now only held on Tuesdays and Thursdays and that I didn’t have to worry about rushing to work.  I took my sweet time getting ready (relatively speaking, anyway) and left my warm home at 8:15 am to be greeted by the cold, hazy air outside and happy that it was the last day of the week and I had no morning meeting.  Hooray!

I got on the freeway as I always do, anticipating the 25-30 min drive to Workplace and BAM!!!  Holy mother of all traffic jams!  Still feeling somewhat optimistic and rosy because, hello, it’s Friday, I figured there was just a fender-bender up ahead and once I got past that things would be smooth sailing.

source

Then I realized there was no accident.  There were orange barrels shutting down lanes for as far as the eye could see- during rush hour traffic.

And then I sat. in. one. place. on. the. freeway. FOREVER!  With no escape!  We weren’t even creeping along, just idling in one place!  “Well!”  thought I, “so much for keeping our driving to a minimum to help the condition of the awful haze in the valley.  What the heck, UDOT?  Why close lanes now?  WHY DO YOU HATE MOTHER EARTH, UDOT???”

I did find some entertainment for a short time from the woman in the car behind me who was talking on her cell phone and gesturing vigorously with her hands.  Was it a fight with her spouse?  An important business call?  A phone audition for a soap opera?  I will never know.  But then an old guy cut in front of her and proceeded to pick his nose, which less entertaining and much more disgusting so I was back at square one.

After an entire hour I had managed to go the distance that it normally takes about 4 minutes to cover and I came upon two things:  1.  The orange barrels were now narrowing the highway down to one (1), yes one, lane of traffic (have I mentioned it was rush hour?  What were they thinking?) and 2.  There was a freeway exit.  Two roads diverged in a cold and gray haze, and I took the one that resembled freedom.  I high-tailed it off that exit thinking I would finally make some progress.

Wouldn’t you know it, that cold, cruel mistress known as the morning commute was not done with me.  I spent the next hour fighting my way through the congested surface streets fraught with accidents and long lights and all manner of mayhem.  I finally rolled into work 2 hours after leaving home.

Friday had officially lost its glow.

But on the bright side, grandma offered to watch the little one for a few hours which means a HOT DATE with my man!  We will be having enchiladas at home and then going to a dollar movie.

I know what you’re thinking-

Those people totally know how to party.

Maybe this Friday has a chance after all.

As usual, we pretty much ate our way through the holiday (new year resolutions, here I come!) and enjoyed time with the fam.  We visited, we cooked, became enraged over cooking disasters (me), we talked, we opened presents, the car died on Christmas Eve and . . . → Read More: A merry little Christmas]]> How was everyone’s Christmas?  Good, yes?  Ours was nice.

As usual, we pretty much ate our way through the holiday (new year resolutions, here I come!) and enjoyed time with the fam.  We visited, we cooked, became enraged over cooking disasters (me), we talked, we opened presents, the car died on Christmas Eve and had to be left on the side of the road.  You know, that old song and dance.

And oh, the driving, driving, and more driving!

The holiday was nice, but e.x.h.a.u.s.t.i.n.g.  Each night over the weekend I think I fell face first into bed and had dreams of future Christmases on an isolated tropical island.

I always enjoy the time with family though, and we all got spoiled by Santa.  The little one sure had fun this year opening presents!  Having her get to an age where she can appreciate it has brought a whole new dimension to Christmas.

PICTURES!

Mmmmm….whipped cream…

I’ll look at the dude, but don’t you dare make me sit on his lap…

Oh hey, I really didn’t take many pictures over Christmas- nor did I really get any good ones.  Too hectic.

Anyway, hope you and yours and a great holiday!